The importance of loving yourself

Let’s talk about self love (not that kind 🙄).

You hear it all the time….the importance of loving yourself.

Most issues in life are healed by getting deep and learning to love yourself but I didn’t really and truly get what this meant until now.

2022, was the year of relationships and love and it worked out not at all how I thought but exactly how I needed.

I built the best relationship of my life, with myself.

And I needed it.

I feel I have the foundational block in place that I have been missing. I look forward to sharing what this unlocks in me as I move forwards with my goals for 2023.

So let’s talk about it.

We all know how important it is…but do you know what it means, how it feels and most importantly how to do it?

What is self love?

I’m a relatively smart cookie. Not necessarily clever but my common sense is up there and that has helped me get ahead in life. Business, I get it. Money, a magician. Parenting, I was born to do it. Loving myself, however, did not come naturally.

I naively thought that I could just think myself into loving myself.

I thought I would meditate and journal, and think my way to self love. I thought I would woo my way there. Yet we all know, that it’s WOO + WORK = RESULTS. And I kept missing the work part.

You cannot think yourself into love for yourself. There isn’t a moment when angels descend, you receive a medal and you reach the self love level. It’s slow and gradual and deep and connected-that’s what a healthy relationship looks like.

The work looks like a series of seemingly tiny actions, that together compound into a feeling, of self love.

How do you practice self love?

It looks like never abandoning yourself when others tell you that you are wrong or that they don’t like your actions (and note their “telling” can be way more subtle than I’m making it sound).

It looks like no longer forcing yourself into things that don’t fit/feel good/work. At times, we all have to do things that we’d rather not because they are the right thing to do, but these should be exceptions rather than the rule. You get to say “no thank you.” Without explanation, justification, or enabling.

It looks like making time to check in with yourself, learning how to read your own soul responses. I feel mine in my gut, every time. And I have overridden it many times in my life but now I won’t. It’s so clear to me, that I just can’t! My body also won’t let me 😤

It looks like choosing and voicing what you want rather than going with what other people want you to do or deflecting the decision making so you never have to decide.

It means honouring your decisions, no matter what happens, when you deeply believe they are the right ones.

It means listening to and respecting your body and what it needs and doesn’t.

It means pushing yourself enough to find out your limits on occasion, whilst also allowing deep rest. Finding a balance between really going for it and resting is key. Doing all the things when in flow also won’t be draining but that doesn’t mean you don’t also need time and space to rest.

It means creating a space that feels safe, calming and allows you to retreat and recharge.

It means getting clear and organised on where you are and where you’re going. Both with your internal thinking, your finances and your home. Decluttering and cleaning are literally joys in my life. When my space is organised and clean, I feel different. It’s almost a ritual now and one that brings brilliant benefits.

It means cutting out anything and anyone who will not honour your boundaries despite having been informed of them. At times I’m generous and give a second chance, setting them and honouring them can be new for all concerned but repeat offenders are now removed immediately.

It means looking at what you put in and on your body. Is it working? Do you feel good? Have you ever even checked in?

It means understanding what your values are in life (and please, for the love of God, set these from your heart, not just what you think is socially acceptable) and then living by them. Values make life easy, you don’t sit questioning for hours every little decision, choice, event. Does this align with my values? This is the main question to answer. If it doesn’t, don’t waste another second on it (finances and taxes are excluded from this, you have to a handle on them, to get through life).

It means giving from a full cup. Not giving when you have nothing because your sense of self worth comes from what you have done for others. This is hard for the healers, empaths and lightworkers but so important.

It means when shit goes wrong, you don’t default into punishing self talk, reminders of past events which also don’t work and trying to convince yourself that you should just be happy and stop trying for more. You dust yourself down, have a 24 hour pity party, hold your own hand, have your own back and you go again.

It looks like remembering that this life was a gift to you and you must live it. No going through the motions, stuck in the mundanity of the same old routine. Find joy in it all. The sun rises every day but it no less spectacular every time you see it. Notice life, it’s happening all around you.

It looks like getting off your phone. The world isn’t in there.

It looks like remembering that you matter, that you are enough, that you are loved and that you are, always, even on the darkest of days, the light.

I could go on but so far the above seemingly small fry actions (when written down) have led me to the best relationship ever with myself.

I will keep doing the woo and the work to enhance, strengthen and deepen this relationship and I’ll keep you all posted. I know in my bones there is magic coming.

Unlock Yourself

If you struggle with self love and any of the above actions, reach out. I’ve unlocked myself on so many levels and it would be an honour to help you unlock yourself too ♥️