As a chartered accountant, I have always been good with numbers but there really are only so many spreadsheets you can plough through before you think there must be more to life. After being fast-tracked by one of the top accountancy firms to become a Partner by the time I was 30, I took the seemingly crazy decision to step out of my corporate advisor role and into running a business that was struggling financially as their Finance Director, at 26.
Suddenly I was responsible for hitting the numbers, not just crunching them, which was incredibly different. I worked alongside the owner to turn the business around from the brink of bankruptcy, to clearing all of the business debt and selling it for top end 7 figures in only four years. This business was like my baby. And whilst I had chosen to sell it, the grief that came after I had let it go, was not extinguished by the money I made or the new found freedom I had. I was getting congratulated for an amazing job well done and inside I felt empty.
I decided more success was what was needed in my life and so I began my solo entrepreneurial journey. And I relentlessly pursued success in every corner of my life. I won every negotiation and every legal battle I entered into on behalf of my clients. I helped build up and sell businesses and I nailed the numbers. And still, I felt empty.
I had 2 beautiful kids, a lovely house in a beautiful part of England and it still didn’t feel like enough. I almost lost my daughter, my Grandma died and the grief took over. And in came the anxiety. I could still nail a meeting or a business result but I couldn’t get through a day without a panic attack and I could barely go out. What was happening to me?
I had it all. I had made success after success out of everything I touched and inside I was empty and felt like such a failure. I realised that success and wealth in the traditional sense meant absolutely nothing when it came to happiness and self-worth and so began my “self-development” journey. The reality is that the stuff outside of us cannot bring us our happiness, it cannot ever make us love ourselves. It cannot make us feel like we are enough. Only we can do that, internally.
And so I have.
It didn’t take me long to realise that I was not the only one who had struggled though. Everywhere I looked, successful MDs and CEOs, online entrepreneurs that I knew, real people were just struggling. Business wise, not so much. Financially, not at all (some of these guys are millionaires, money worries are not a part of their life), but despite the success they have achieved, the results they were generating, they still didn’t feel good enough. They were just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everyone to wake up and realise what an imposter they were. They were waiting for their “success” to crumble to the ground and praying that the day would come when they would finally feel like they were enough.
If you know me, you know I can’t stand aside and watch that and so I researched, studied, qualified, took what I was naturally great at and worked out how to use it all to help people change. I worked out how to transform my life and now I show others. Here I am. Doing work I love, living a life on my terms and every day being very sure to remind myself that I am enough right where I am.
It’s a pleasure to meet you.
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